"The Secret Of Staying in Love" John Powell S,J - A Book Review

“The Secret of Staying in Love” by John Powell, S.J. is not exactly what you initially think it is about, just by looking at the title. I always used to say so when people started teasing me when they saw the cover of this book. But while it is true that it contains the secrets of staying in love, I want to stress that it isn't merely about tips and tricks of how to stay in love on a shallow level. I’d say this is the ultimate book on how to stay in love WITH your spouse or anyone you’re very close with.


It’s funny because here I am, a young adult to be, reading this kind of book. Sometimes, I think I get ahead of myself. Anyway, enough about me, more on the book. Powell starts with the individual person, on the celebration of being you and a lot on self-esteem and having a good self-image.

What struck me the most was that to love others, you must equally love yourself. “True love of others is premised on a true love of self.” I was really struck by that, as I had previously learned differently -- to forget self and just love others. But here’s a book saying something totally different. As Jesus Himself says, love others as you love yourself. So, if you can’t love yourself, it will be hard for you to love others effectively.


Radical isn’t it? The book also explains how selfishness is the very opposite of self-love. It is a form of insatiable greediness. The book also challenges the reader to confront himself by asking, “What are my true feelings? When I hear someone being complimented, why do I say, ‘Don’t tell him. It might go to his head.’? Why don't I want others to be happy with themselves?”

The book goes on to explain how this lack of self-appreciation really affects everybody. It hinders us from true and effective loving, as we seek to distract ourselves from this pain, resulting in addictions and other problematic circumstances. Then Powell explains how this can lead to what you call “fake” love. He goes on to explains what Love really is, as opposed to what it was thought to be previously.

Then comes the biggie. The secret of staying in love. I won’t tell you what it is, or else you wouldn’t read the book... Haha. One thing’s for sure, I never really thought of it that way. This 'secret' really brings people closer together. And it actually makes sense that you must love yourself just as much in order to be able to apply this secret of staying in love with another.

Powell really strikes where it matters most, and brilliantly weaves the book together starting fundamentally from the individual to the couple staying in love. This book is full of wisdom, and will definitely change the mindset of the person reading the book.


I whole-heartedly recommend this book to those who are married, going to get married, those preparing for the future, or heck, even people who decide to live the celibate life. It's a book to be read, to absorb, and be blessed by.

Enjoy =)